for starters

It was suggested to me that I start blogging again, that it might be good to write out my thoughts because I have so many and can never make sense of them until they are on paper... or on a blog. This is my attempt to take someone's advice, hopefully relieve myself of some jumbled thoughts, and maybe, just maybe, to prod someone else's thinking.

I don't think I know how to enjoy my last year of college. I am tired, getting slightly cynical (which I always swore I would not), and just want to be on to the next big thing... even though that has yet to be determined. College is the first time I've had some kind of circumstantial consistency for more than a couple years. Of course things have changed. I have moved rooms every year, switched and added roommates, gone in and out of different jobs and extra-curricular activities. But I've never had to live in one place with practically the same group of people for longer than 2.5 years. With that comes a lot of baggage because being an adult means not being blissfully unaware of conflict. You can't just have a good cry when you get told that you're not a good friend a move on with life like normal the next day. At least, I cannot. And it's not that I want to revert back to being a kid and as resilient as I once was. I like being aware of the world and being thoughtful about life. I just wish I was better at being joyful and content in spite of this keen awareness I have developed...
So, I hold on to things I cannot see or feel or hardly comprehend because for some strange reason I know that's where the answer lies. I just hope it doesn't take long.